I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
