Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
