naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
