You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
