I'm gonna have a badass scar
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
