billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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