So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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