people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
