Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
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I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
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How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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