I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
