Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my phone needs a breathalizer
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
