Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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