She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
