His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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