No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
