i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
