I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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