so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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