he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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