toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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