if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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