In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
