I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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