My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face