1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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