He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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