If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
