That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
