I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.