instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
