I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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