didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
