she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
