my vag is so smooth its legendary
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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