There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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