My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
