Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
