Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
