I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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