Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
