Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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