i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
