do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
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I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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