We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
