i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
