You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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