I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
