i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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