i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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