This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
