I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize