Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
