i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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