this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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