Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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