batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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