Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
