hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
