at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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