he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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