saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize