She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
