i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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