I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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