It's like a parade of train wrecks.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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