dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
