Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
