what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
