Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
