My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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