So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
